This Bowl

[For some of us with ADHD, our perception of time seems to be very different from what others experience. "This Bowl" is an attempt to describe that difference, based on what I discovered when my doctor prescribed another medicine for me. Unfortunately, I had some frightening side effects and was not able to continue taking it.]

This Bowl

this bowl of striped beads

clinging to each other rolled into each other's space:

this is my life

I try to pull some from the gob

place one in front ­­

the boy playing on our yellow porch,

an old woman talking to me about death ­­

but all roll as one, circle of circles, no beginning, no end

I feel you watching, waiting for answers ­­

no need to look at your perplexion,

between anger and some anguished desire to understand

I could tell you this is my life ­­

no eight, nine, ten, no j, k, l,

just a circled mash, no first no last

if you had a string and your own bowl of beads

one would lead

they would march onto the string

in your precious order a patient line

the past behind, the future ahead,

the boy on the yellow porch would slip on early

but the woman has not yet talked to you of dying

but always this is

my time

clinging to an eternal now this bowl of beads